How to Be Dead Books 1--3 by Dave Turner

How to Be Dead Books 1--3 by Dave Turner

Author:Dave Turner
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Aim For The Head Books


CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

DAVE AND MELANIE were hiding behind a filing cabinet experiencing one of history's greatest awkward silences.

'Well,' Dave finally said. 'At least we're spending some quality time together.'

Melanie ignored his joke. 'Who was that?'

'John. No, wait. James. Or at least, that's who he used to be.' James Camp. That was his name. Dave had drunk coffee with him on their break less than twenty-four hours ago. He seemed like a nice guy. Now he was drinking blood from an office cleaner and Dave was trying to figure out a way to destroy him. You never really know your co-workers.

'What is he now?'

'A vampire.'

Melanie almost laughed at the suggestion. 'There's no such thing as vampires.'

'What bit is confusing you? The teeth? The pale skin? The blood sucking? That was a bit of a pointer. The way they get all explodey around holy water?'

'Holy water?'

'Oh yeah. You weren't there for that bit. I got ordained in an online church. One of the perks is that I can bless water.'

Melanie shook her head. 'I don't believe this is happening.'

'You get used to it after a while. Trust me.' Dave pulled himself up into a crouch, chanced a look over the top of the cabinet then ducked back down. 'I promise that I will tell you everything if we get out of here alive, but the coast is clear and we need to go right now.' Dave stood up. 'Are you ready?'

'No, but let's go.' She held her hand out and Dave took it, pulling her up.

'Head straight for the lifts. Whatever happens, don't stop,' Dave ordered. They left the safety of their hiding place and, half crouched, they dashed towards the centre of the office. As Dave passed a desk, he grabbed an aerosol can of compressed air and jammed it into his hoodie pocket.

'What are you doing?' Melanie hissed.

'I've got an idea,' he whispered back.

They reached the lifts and pressed the down button. Dave was relieved that it illuminated with a little ring of light. They waited, Dave impatiently tapping his foot on the stone floor.

The vampire James appeared at the end of the row of steel doors. Grinning, he slowly paced towards Melanie and Dave; a predator stalking its prey. Dave held his hand out to Melanie. 'Give me your lighter.'

'I know it's stressful, but now's not the time for a cigarette.'

Dave pulled the aerosol can from his pocket and showed it to Melanie. 'Give me your lighter.'

Melanie understood and passed him the disposal plastic lighter from her suit pocket. Dave gulped and beckoned James. 'Come on, then.'

James broke into a sprint. As Dave fiddled with the striker wheel, he regarded this as one of a long line of questionable decisions. The lighter sprang into life. As James pressed his hands on Dave, he sprayed the canister into the flame and a plume of fire caught James full in the face. He fell backwards, his hair and clothes catching alight. Dave pressed forward, keeping his finger held down on the improvised flamethrower and engulfing the vampire in a blaze.



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